I recently had to explain to my lady, Dr. Parker, what the hell Twitter is, as she is blissfully ignorant to the world of social media/marketing thought leadership, being that she has more important things to do...like ACTUALLY helping people get better, not "helping" by sharing information. Argue if you like, but the world can really live without mine, or your "tweets".
Ohh lord, I just used Twitter jargon. It's obviously too late for me...
Anyways...
Only a few hours prior to asking me about Twitter, we somehow got on the subject of Bridezilla's, as she was curious to hear my thoughts on what the deal was with these crazy ladies. You see, she sometimes thinks I remember anything I learned in college while pursuing my degree in Psychology. Little does she know I piece it all together from Peanuts cartoons and fortune cookies. Deep thoughts and tasty treats. Yum.
So, in thinking about the Twitter answer, I could have given her direction to one of these so called "experts" in social media
....But I digress (again).
Ok, so if I'm not going to give her the stock industry answer on what Twitter is, how I can I explain it to this brilliant woman in a way that will somehow be entertaining, and convey my true feelings about the phenomenon, while potentially dissuading her from feeling compelled to follow the herd.
That's when it hit me.
Twitter users are no different than Bridezilla's.
My crackerjack psycho analysis of Bridezilla's only 2 hours earlier seemed to be a perfect corollary to Twitter.
So I went on to rant, Some woman act like psycho loonies when planning their big day because they read too much People magazine and still think everyone should care about them as much as they thought they did in high school, simply because they were on the cheer-leading team, had the best bangs, and were bound for Arizona State, to "get the hell out of this place".
Fast forward 10 years to when they are back in their small town/hometown, working a job they hate, driving a vanilla SUV built by a middle American behemoth that was "The Heartbeat of America". They're now engaged to a man they deeply love and want to marry, while secretly wishing they hadn't broken up with "Chip Dow", who sure could find his way around a lacrosse field. If only he hadn't decided to follow the tour of the Tragically Hip ....
So, this "nuptial Nazi to be" ends up meeting her future IT guru husband with the steady job and love for Applebee's. Down the road, he drops to a knee and a lovely engagement follows, after-which the S#!T hits the fan. Bridezilla emerges controlling everything and everyone, leaving a fiery wake in her path.
For two reasons.
Ego and vanity
You see, this is this woman's best chance to get everyone, all at once, to pay attention to her. (They'll have no choice once stuffed into uncomfortable plastic folding chairs on some random golf course's veranda).
It must be her way, and everyone must know that she was the coordinator, craftsman and couturier. Every element will project the life she wishes she led, and wants you to believe she leads all year round (you know, "Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows").
Nothing but the best flutes of strawberry dropped champagne and the "Electric Slide", led by her of course.
As you can clearly see, when Dr Parker asked about Twitter, I had already explained it just a few hours earlier.
The only reason people "tweet" is so people will pay attention to them. Veiled in the desire to "share", "seek information" and "add value", is the Bridezilla's insatiable need for attention.
....and we have no choice but to pay attention, since it's a party and we're all invited.
"Look at me". "Listen to me".
"See what/who I know".
It's all about ego and vanity.
Why else would you be able to see in an instant how many followers someone has????
Anyone who tells you different is trying to sell you something through the side door.
Better they should just admit why they are really there.
.....To sell a product, image, idea, persona, or "expertise"....
The notion that they are "sharing" and simply in search of "more information" makes it easier to sleep at night and much easier to sell.
Not that there is anything wrong with this, in fact, it's a remarkably useful tool (for now). But, like the Bridezilla, many Twitter users aren't willing to look in the mirror and call it like it is.
Is my complexion starting to look reptilian?
Cue the disco dancing bridesmaids, and I'll see you on Twitter.
I'll be representing Dr. Parker.
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